I would be lying if I said that part of blogging isn’t cathartic. It totally is.
Personally, I have always been a writer of sorts… writing things down just tends to help me discover things I was unaware of previously. Stream of consciousness combined with amazing epiphanies, I guess?
Lately I have been looking at my life, how I am approaching things and just simply wanting to redefine what it is to be me. To actually pursue the things I have been wanting to in my head and holding back on for various reasons.
Realization #1 – I have a hard time putting me first. I worry about other people far more than I do myself and will put their needs above mine without much thought. But I’ve figured out why – it makes me insanely happy to see and make others happy. If that requires a little self sacrifice I am ok with that — but I need to learn when to say no. And I’m a total yes person.
Realization #2 – I need to get out of my head to get into my head. Fear is a tricky beast. Currently it seems to be blocking all the lovely creative ideas that should be flowing out – and more importantly the questions I keep trying to answer. All these ideas or things I would like to do are there, hanging on a precipice just waiting to be plucked up. I have to uncover the right way to find them… and something tells me it will be more in the doing than in a grand discovery.
Realization #3 – The word “health” is not negative. For most of my early life there was always something medically going on with me.. nothing chronic or damaging but once I got to a place in my life where things were good I began to want to avoid the medical profession. I know being healthy doesn’t mean a particular weight or dress size, but it does mean that there is a definitive need to own what you put into your life (food, exercise, etc) and if I want to get to a better spot with PCOS and my self image I am going to have to really reevaluate what health means to me.
With those realizations, I think I’m gonna take the opportunity to make this blog into something about those exact things. If I could put them into three categories I think it would be something along the lines of:
- Discovering the (buried) designer in me
- Taking charge of my health
- Doing little things for me
So we will see how this goes – this deep dive into myself to uncover and release what is and should be present… and what is and should not be present.
I’m kinda proud of myself for having this pop up organically before the High Holy Days… normally this deep introspection would have been forced upon myself by myself. Here’s to a step in the right direction.