This past week has been nothing short of taxing… both physically, psychologically, emotionally — take your pick.
I genuinely don’t remember crying so much in such a short span of time in a long while. But that’s ok. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to let it all out, and it’s ok to show that you’re vulnerable.. both at work or in your personal life.
I made a statement a few blogs back about Garett. I said he was a gift. I meant it, I still do. What I find more incredible is how true that statement was and how myself and those who knew him are coming to realize that on a daily basis.
So I made myself a promise. Now this is something that for me started in the summer but has, I believe, fully culminated and ran its course through to now. I have promised myself to not live in the past. To keep old hurts where they are and to let the anger if there is any settle. To be just not be the better person, but to be a better person to myself.
There is so much out there to experience, so much I have not seen, heard, tasted, smelled, or felt. It is important to me. I have a laundry list of dreams that I have either over the passage of time either shelved, forgotten, or completely abandoned. I never stopped to ask myself “why?” and if I were honest with myself, I am not quite sure I am ready to. But again, that’s ok. I know they there and I can pick them up and reexamine them at a later time.
Because right now, in this moment I do have the time. While time might be relative it is also a luxury I will cherish all the more greatly.
But what keeps rolling around in my head is a phrase from the Harry Potter books, specifically from the Deathly Hallows. The idea of being a true “Master of Death”.
Choosing to keep or remove negative people from your life, to not pursue your dreams or aspirations, to stay complacent and immobile are all ways of slowly agreeing to the death of yourself. Not in a physical sense but in a spiritual and developmental sense. We should never stop becoming. The world will change around us. We will meet new people. We need to rise to that level, that next iteration of ourselves. To not continue to grow would be to stagnate, that would truly be death.
There are so many wonderful quotes flowing through my head. So many words of inspiration, comfort, and wisdom. I will leave you with this:
- “The true master does not seek to run away from Death. He accepts that he must die, and understands that there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying.“
- – Albus Dumbledore